New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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