he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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