Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
