You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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