Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
