I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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