he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
