I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
