i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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