I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
