Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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