My hand turned me down
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
