i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
