some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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