i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
