she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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