three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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