I'm sorry my penis didn't work
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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