I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What a dumb baby whore.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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