I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
