Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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