We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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