just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
