i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize