nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
