this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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