I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
