Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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