is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
