cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
