Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
