isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
