im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
