She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
