i already hear my dad disowning me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
