I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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