She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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