i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
