Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize