Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
