your parents love me but you hate me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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