she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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