"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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