you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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