we have pet lesbian snakes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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