i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
