Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
