420 ftw
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
