Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
