Will you blow on my dice?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
