id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
