Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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