So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
