I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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