Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
