you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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