I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
