god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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