for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize